The Art of Belonging

Almost everyone on the planet right now--whether we’re conscious of it or not--is longing for belonging. We are wanting more intimacy, and not just the physical kind (though that’s important, too!) but we’re also wanting more emotional, spiritual, and intellectual intimacy. We want to be seen in our authenticity and loved and accepted for who we really are. We want to feel connected to our own bodies and our spiritual power, and simultaneously accepted into a loving community.

We can experience all of these things more frequently when we lean in to the Art of Belonging. There are four pathways to take on our journey to belonging: authenticity, somatics, magick, and intimacy.

Authenticity

When we pretend to be someone we’re not, we sacrifice true belonging in exchange for a false sense of fitting in. When we are brave and vulnerable enough to show up as our authentic selves, we are able to access a deep sense of belonging. This doesn’t mean we can’t show up differently with different people and different situations. We can still wear different “hats” that suit our surroundings. The key is to make sure we’re not wearing masks that obscure the truth of who we are underneath. When we allow ourselves to be seen as our true selves, we are able to engage in relationships that nurture the spark within us and encourage us to shine in the special ways that only we can.

Authenticity can be a tricky thing to practice in a world that often tells us, “Be yourself! But not like that!” Knowing when and how to let ourselves be truly seen without giving ourselves a vulnerability hangover can be quite a balancing act that requires delicate practice. Attunement to our own nervous systems, and honoring our capacity can be incredibly helpful in this process.

Somatics

One of the best ways we can become more intimate with ourselves, and in doing so increase our capacity for intimacy with others, is through our own bodies. By tuning in to the sensations of our bodies, learning to listen to the wisdom within, and honoring our physical capacities, we can develop a sense of safety and belonging that is sourced from within ourselves. When we feel safety and belonging that comes from within, we are better able to engage in healthy relationships with others because we are not outsourcing our belonging in codependent relationships. Instead, we can co-create relationships based in reciprocity, authenticity, consent, and an abundance of love.

One of the easiest ways to tap into our bodies is through our breath. Even the simplest of breathing techniques can bring us into presence and somatic awareness. From this place, we can feel into our capacities and create boundaries that help us feel safe and supported from within.

Magick

Most of us learned as children that the tooth fairy was a lie, and our sense of magic died along with that illusion. But what if magick really is real, and surrounds us every day, just waiting for us to become conscious of the powers we wield and the creativity that flows through all of us? When we become aware of our own magickal potential, we tap into a spiritual Source, and are more easily able to manifest the lives we desire.

Ritual is one of the most powerful ways to connect with our own magick. Rituals can be simple daily practices, or elaborate co-creations that occur on auspicious days of the year.

Intimacy

We cannot feel a sense of belonging by ourselves. We have to be intimate with others in order to feel that we truly belong. Intimacy isn’t just physical (though that is certainly a very important form of intimacy) but there is also emotional, spiritual, and even intellectual intimacy available to us. Being able to clearly communicate our desires, create healthy boundaries, and engage in relationships that feel reciprocal and inspirational is something all of us want, but very few of us saw modeled in our families and cultures. 

Listening deeply, expressing our desires and fears, and being able to honor our own capacities and boundaries can help us create the healthy, loving, authentic relationships we crave.

Whenever we find ourselves craving more intimate belonging, we can always turn to one of the four pillars to move toward authentic, embodied, magical intimacy. Sometimes we find ourselves in situations where it feels like one of those pillars isn’t available to us. Maybe we find ourselves in an environment where our authenticity isn’t welcome; we can always turn toward our own somatic experience, or maybe make some magick! Maybe there is a time where we’re having a hard time being in our bodies, so the somatic path feels difficult. That’s when we can turn toward ritual, or reach out to a friend for some emotional intimacy. When we feel far away from our magick, we can share ourselves authentically with another, or breathe deeply and reconnect to the wisdom of our bodies. There is always a way to move toward intimate belonging!

Although we can choose the pathways we take toward belonging based on what feels most available and accessible in each moment, there are two things that are always required when we’re practicing the Art of Belonging: courage and worthiness. We must be courageous on this journey, and we have to consider ourselves worthy. Fortunately, small doses of courage and worthiness are enough for each next step, and the more we practice, the more we experience both! It becomes a virtuous cycle that leads to more and more courage and worthiness, and deeper and more profound feelings of belonging--in ourselves, our purpose, our communities, and Life itself.